Supporting a partner with ED
Rekindling intimacy is possible
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is often called the couple’s disease. It can affect your relationship by limiting the intimate moments you share.1 Navigating ED can be a challenging journey for both of you. But with empathy, understanding and support, it’s possible to address this sensitive issue and rekindle the intimacy that you both crave.
ED Explained
Are you the partner of someone with ED?
As the partner of a man with erectile dysfunction, you are an important ally throughout the ED journey. Dr. Sherita King shares the benefits of joining your partner in the conversation and exploring treatment options together.
of women feel their partner’s ED is their fault1
have a physical or medical cause2
of men with ED feel their partner’s support is important1
Start by learning the basics
As a partner, you may feel guilty or rejected1 if your partner cannot get an erection. However, it’s more common than you might realize, affecting 40% of men by the age of 40.3
Don’t blame yourself.
Learn more about ED, including common causes and the landscape of potential treatment options. The more you learn, the better you can collaborate with your partner to find a solution that works for both of you.
It’s really not you or your partner – it’s ED.
Erectile dysfunction often has nothing to do with lack of interest or desire. For more than 80% of men, the cause of their ED is from a physical problem or disorder.2 Some of the most common include:4
- Medical conditions (e.g. diabetes, heart disease, etc.)
- Surgery or injury (e.g. prostate removal, spinal cord injury, radiation therapy, etc.)
- Side effects from medications
Open the lines of communication
It is important to have an open, honest conversation with your partner. If you’re unsure of how to begin, you could start by asking your partner if now is the right time to have a discussion about your intimacy.
Choose a safe, neutral space.
Find a private place where you can talk freely and openly. It’s best not to have the conversation in the bedroom — find another private, comfortable place where you both feel at ease.
Breathe, stay positive, and begin.
Start by focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship and sex life and emphasize why talking about ED is important to you.5
- Affirm that this is a shared problem and should have a shared solution
- Share your own feelings and how ED impacts you
- Reaffirm his importance and build his confidence
- Mention ED is often the result of an underlying condition and can be treated by a doctor
For additional support and more tips on talking with your partner about ED, download our guide:
Tackling Erectile Dysfunction Together.
Focus on finding a solution together
Once you’ve opened the communication lines, keep the conversation flowing by exploring potential solutions that can help you reclaim intimacy. There are several treatment options depending on the reason for your partner’s ED.6 It’s important to learn about all alternative treatment options, so that you and your partner can select the option that is right for you both.
Be in it with him
Just like with anything else, it’s important to show your dedication to the process.
- Be encouraging
- Keep an open mind
- Participate in treatment options
- Share your experiences and perspectives
References
1 Li H, Gao T, Wang R. The role of the sexual partner in managing erectile dysfunction. Nat Rev Urol. 2016 Mar;13(3):168-77.
2 Bajic P; Mahon J; Faraday M, et al. Etiology of Erectile Dysfunction and Duration of Symptoms in Patients Undergoing Penile Prosthesis: A Systematic Review. Sex Med Rev. Apr 2020;8(2):333-337.
3 Feldman HA; Goldstein I; Hatzichristou DG; Krane RJ; McKinlay JB. Impotence and its medical and psychosocial correlates: results of the Massachusetts Male Aging Study. J Urol. Jan 1994;151(1):54-61.
4 MacDonald SM; Burnett AL. Physiology of Erection and Pathophysiology of Erectile Dysfunction. Urol Clin North Am. Nov 2021;48(4):513-525.
5 Gerster S, Günzler C, Roesler C, Leiber C, Berner MM. Treatment motivation of men with ED: what motivates men with ED to seek professional help and how can women support their partners? Int J Impot Res. 2013 Mar-Apr;25(2):56-62.
6 Burnett AL, Nehra A, Breau RH, Culkin DJ, Faraday MM, Hakim LS, Heidelbaugh J, Khera M, McVary KT, Miner MM, Nelson CJ, Sadeghi-Nejad H, Seftel AD, Shindel AW. Erectile Dysfunction: AUA Guideline. J Urol. 2018 Sep;200(3):633-641.
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